Acknowledging those without...

The last 3 weekends in a row Mike and I have traveled to Paoli Hospital to welcome new little ones into the world. We sat with each and soaked in their perfect little ears and toes and noses. We ooed and ahhed at their angelic whimpers and gurgles. We were reminded of the days of Evangeline and Samuel's births- by far the most incredible days of our lives- no days hold a candle to them.
Welcome to the world:
Nolan Gregory to Greg and Carla Lusby
Liam Joseph to Kevin and Dawn Aikens
Nora Faith to Bryan and Sara Wise
We are so happy for you guys!
The joy of new life is indescribable, and each set of the parents we visited reveled in this joy- their giddiness was oozing out of their every pore.  As we left each of these growing families, praying for their adjustment to life with a new baby, there was a lingering feeling that I didn't want to pay attention to, but it just wouldn't leave me. Despite my happiness, I couldn't shake a feeling of desperation. Sounds funny, but I felt such pain and empathy for those who desire to have this same day (the day their child is born), but for one reason or another, thus far, it hasn't come. I truly believe that outside of the death of one dear to us, their is no greater pain than a Godly longing that is unfulfilled. A longing for a spouse, or for a child to be born, a child to be healed, or for a loving parent...
On Friday I sat in a room FULL of babies and despite how much I loved looking at each of them and delighted in their presence, I could think of little besides those WITHOUT babies who want them so desperately. And it made me feel desperate. Desperate to help, desperate to have words that would bring healing, desperate to somehow make sense of it. It's not just my own experience with infertility that makes me simply unable (for now) to feel just the joy and leave the desperation behind. Yes, there was a time when I thought the pain of longing for a child, getting close, and then losing them would probably kill me. But, God has brought forth great healing through the births of Evangeline and Samuel and the grief for the babies I have lost does not leave me in a heap on the floor any longer.
There are so many people in my midst with Godly longings that are currently unfulfilled and when I am with them, their pain is palpable. Some desire a husband or wife, some desire children, some desire sick children to be well, some desire a loving parent. I generally say the same thing to all of them because I know that it was true for me, and firmly believe that it WILL be true for them. That is, "someday this will all make sense. Someday, you'll look into the eyes of your spouse and think, 'had God NOT made me wait, or taken me through this or that, I wouldn't have you, and I know now that YOU are the one God had for me'. Someday, you'll look at your sleeping baby and think, 'without the previous struggle or loss, I wouldn't have YOU. It makes sense now, because YOU are the child God had for me'. Maybe it won't happen until you get to heaven and see Christ face to face, but it WILL happen." It's simple. It's true. God's faithfulness is enduring, and will carry us through every conceivable pain and heartache. But, it's the enduring that's hard because the process is so often slow.
Jill and Neil (my sister and brother in law) have been waiting for years to add a child to their family. Waiting, and waiting, and waiting. During this time, they have seen AT LEAST 50 babies come into the world to their families and friends.  Talk about desperation...  I know, though, that when God finally turns the heart of a birthmother towards them and they are chosen as adoptive parents, they will undoubtedly understand the wait as they look at that baby. They will know beyond a shadow of a doubt that God had THAT baby for them. No other baby would do.
I write this entry today not to make anyone feel bad or guilty or to take away any joy from those getting married or having babies. Revel in the joy of it!! If this post brings more awareness and a sensitivity in spirit, Praise the Lord. But truly, I write this today for those who aren't getting married or having babies. You are not alone; you are not crazy; YOU ARE NOT FORGOTTEN. A longing unfulfilled brings unmeasurable pain. But wait!!!  John 16:33 "I have told you these things, so that in me you may have peace. In this world you will have trouble. But take heart! I have overcome the world." Yes, the God who overcame the world Has a sovereign plan and JOY WILL COME! Hold on. Wait and see.

Thanks to their Aunt Jill and their doting daddy...

My kids have awesome rooms!

Mike did all the carpentry, and Aunt Jill (my sister) did the murals. Aren't they amazingly talented?? 

All I did was accessorize.

Eva in her room- right before her first birthday

Samuel's room

We moved the crib and changing table to his room, and now Eva has a big girl bed and a new glider.

Mike even did the wallpaper :)

Best Husband Ever (pics of new basement)

Last October Mike began our basement finishing project.  He worked tirelessly on weekends and during the evenings to provide this new living space for our family for about 3 months. I can hardly even begin to describe how happy I was when it was over for one reason- I HAD MY HUSBAND BACK!!  I had a little taste of what it might be like to be a single parent those few months, and I didn't like it one bit!! But my man got the job done- almost all by himself. Thanks to my mom who helped with painting, my dad who helped with painting and drywall, mike's dad who helped with drywall, and our brother in law's neil and bryan for help with painting. Seriously though, he did literally everything else himself and alone. He's absolutely amazing, and the finished project (pics below) is almost as amazing as he is :)

BEFORE

EGRESS WINDOW INSTALLED

FRAMING AND STUDS

DRYWALL, PAINT, CARPET, TRIMWORK (and Eva)

AFTER: 

DREAM PLAY, LOUNGE, WORKOUT SPACE FOR OUR GROWING FAMILY

              FULL BATH

I'm Believing God

Several years ago I did a Beth Moore study entitled, "Believing God". It changed my life- really changed my thinking.  Her overall challenge was to forget about believing IN God, and focus on believing God:
That He is who He says He is.
That He can do what He says He can do.
That I am who God says I am.
That I can do all things through Christ.
That God's Word is alive and active in me.

In other words, the study began a process in me of taking God at His Word. As if He wanted to really cement the concept in me, God began to take me through various struggles so that I could prove that I really meant it- "God, I believe you!!"
The most recent came a few Tuesdays ago when I got a phone call. One of the scariest phone calls that I have had in my whole life, and I hope that they don't get any scarier in the future. Bottom line: my dad has prostate cancer. The word that strikes fear in people instantaneously now applied to my very own dad. Of course, my human mind went right to all the what ifs, and then all the things that I learned in that study 3 years ago came flooding back, including my "Five Statement Pledge of Faith" (posted above). And I just said, out loud, to God, "I believe that You are who You say You are- the Great Physician. That You can do what You say You can do- Heal the sick. That I am who you say I am- loved, whole, chosen, redeemed. That I can do all things through Christ- even endure this trial. That Your Word is alive and active in me- the God who created the heavens and the earth hears and answers my prayers. I'm choosing today to believe You, Lord."
My dad does have cancer. There are a lot of unanswered questions. The cancer is in its early stages and there is great hope that He will be fine. My heart is at peace despite a great amount of uncertainty. I am praying that my dad has many wonderful years ahead of Him and that Evangeline and Samuel will have many more wonderful memories of their Papa- that they will know him and love him the way that I do. It is a privilege to be the daughter of such an amazing man. My dad rules! He is the best man I have ever known. No matter what happens next- God be glorified! I will trust Him because I believe Him.

My Dad & Evangeline on Easter

My Dad & Samuel on Easter

My Dad & Eva- Christmastime 2008                 

Photos of Sam

A few weeks ago photographer (and my friend) Lindsay McIntire generously offered to take newborn portraits of Samuel.  We put it off for awhile because of little Samuel's skin issues- my hormones didn't agree with him or something! Here are a few of my favorites. See Lindsay's site to view some of her amazing photos! Thanks to Lindsay for capturing the essence of our little love!

Adoption Update from the Youngs

Here is a letter my sister wrote today describing where things stand with their adoption. Please pray!!

Dear Friends,

We humbly come to you with grateful hearts for all that God's provided for us and through you. Thank you! Thank you! Thank you!

We have felt your prayers and been blessed by financial contributions. Throughout October, November, and December, over $4,000 was raised to offset the expense of our adoption. Thank you to our siblings who put together the auctions and garage sales that raised the money. There were also individuals who blessed us with contributions. We have been blown away by the outpouring of support.

Our intention all along has been to send thanks for all that our friends, family, and friends OF friends and family have done to support us both financially and in prayer, and then to send updates on our process along the way...

The process hasn't gone quite like we had initially envisioned. Everything has taken longer than we hoped: 

Deciding where to seek an adoption (international or domestic)

Finding the right agency

the paper work, the home study, the clearances

Creating our profile (the book and letter that introduces us to the prospective birth mother of our child(ren))

...and now mostly just the wait!

It was such a relief to have our part over and be officially waiting. That relief only lasted for about a month. Then the time came nearer to when we pictured the three of us being 4. Through the holiday season we sort of grieved the loss of our expectations. All my ideas for our annual Christmas card included more than the 3 of us and we never even brought ourselves to creating one this year.

Through each step of this process, though, we have heard His familiar whisper - that He "...will meet all our needs according to His glorious riches in Christ Jesus." Phil. 4:19 ...that no matter how long the wait, no matter how deep the longing, now matter what, He has us in His grip. His plans for us are to prosper us. Prosper, in our minds, is to be in His perfect plan.

This week has been one of ups and downs. Beginning on Tuesday, we got an email from the director of our placing agency asking us to pray about 2 birth mother situations. Both of the pregnant women who could be potential matches for us are due to deliver babies who could have severe non-correctable birth defects. Our hearts both just sank into our stomachs. On our paperwork we had checked that we would consider a situation like this and that we would want to be made aware of them and possibly have our profile shown. When that reality was before us, we had unexpected emotions. "Why Lord?" "Is this what we've been waiting for?" "It's not fair." "We can't handle this." "How horrible are we that we would not jump at the chance to parent ANY child?" " Maybe we could do it, maybe this is just something we need to trust him for and we can handle more than we think." "Maybe the baby would end up being fine." 

...guilt, disappointment, fear, sadness, and even some hope. So many questions and thoughts and feelings just bombarded our hearts and minds. We did not reply that night. Wednesday we talked to Dierdre (the director) on the phone to get more information. We learned that not only do they not have much information at this point, but that nothing is even a confirmed diagnosis yet. And it might be awhile until they know anything. One baby will have to be born before before they will know much.

Dierdre then moved on from these 2 circumstances to let us know of an upcoming meeting where our profile will be shown to a woman expecting a baby on March 25th! She really desires to place with a family who is out of state, and we are the only waiting family that is out of state. That meeting is next Thursday, the 11th. The birth mother's name is Candace. She will see several profiles and most likely be making a choice right away since her due date is only 3 weeks away.

Another potential match for us is a 2 1/2 year old boy named David and a 1 year old girl named Anna, siblings, who are in the process of  being placed. We were made aware of them when their mother first came to Deaconess to begin counseling and planning for placing her 2 children. Her name is Brianna and she is working full time while going to school full time. We do not have details about why she's arrived at this decision. God immediately began speaking to our hearts about these children when we first learned about them a couple weeks ago. We've now learned that they are working through the parental right termination and relinquishment. We don't know how long this might take. We've been told that it can be a complicated process and there are certain "waiting periods" between some of the documents.

We want to give these children a home. Our prayer and hope is that they are ours. We do not want to have our hopes up, but it is too late. 

So now we are praying specifically for this situation, for these children. 

...that the legal process will move faster than they project that it will. 

...that God will intervene and divinely make things happen to bring these children home SOON! 

...that He will protect them in the mean time.

...that He his grace will cover over all the pain and longing that they will likely experience soon.

We know that we may not be the family God has in mind for these kids. Even if we are not, we are praying that things would move along quickly to get these children into the stable environment that they need, and into the arms of their new mommy and daddy. Our hearts are broken for their loss, but excited for their future.

We have been surprised by our own desire for these children. We did not set out on this journey to adopt an older child. We felt led to adopt an infant, bonding with him from the beginning. But, as we have learned, God changes hearts. We can't help but to imagine ourselves bringing these kids home to be part of our family. We do not know how probable it is that they will be ours, but we know that God is at work.

Please pray with us as we seek Him for his perfect will for our family. Any 4 of these circumstances could hold the child(ren) that is ours. Or it may be one not even mentioned here. We trust Him implicitly. 

We also believe in prayer. We know that we are so loved and that so many have held us in prayer over the growing of our family. That is why we wanted to include you in the details of these circumstances. It's so powerful to be able to pray specifically. As you pray for these children and circumstances, please also pray for us. We are in a very fragile place of trying desperately to not get our hopes up, but also wanting to have hope! Pray that if we do get to be the family to these children who are siblings that God would give us strength to meet the special needs this situation will bring.

We will keep you posted as the circumstances develop.

Trusting in Him,

Neil and Jill Young

Please feel free to share with anyone who is interested in partnering in prayer with us.

Evangeline Joy-celebrating her first 2 years!

My dear Evangeline turns 2 years old today. The past 2 years have come and gone so quickly it takes my breath away. I remember so vividly her first couple of months and how completely overwhelmed I felt to be responsible for her precious life. Mike and I felt helpless at times knowing how much she needed us because we were so clueless as to what we were supposed to do next. Things have changed so drastically- now I know her, really know her. I can understand almost everything she says. I know her likes and dislikes. I know what her expressions mean and what cry to listen for if she's "really" hurt. I know how she likes her shoes tied and what outfit is her favorite. I know how to rub her back when she's sleepy and what songs she likes to have sung before drifting off (God is so good & I Love you Lord if it's Mama, and In Christ Alone if it's Daddy). It's amazing how the journey goes. We started off as strangers and are now the love of each other's lives. I am so blessed to be her mama. I know I won't always be the one she holds most dear to her heart, but I am treasuring every moment I get while that is still true. It's amazing to think about how much she loves me- she really does love me! How amazing is that?
The joy this little tiny person has brought into our lives brings me to tears; it's astonishing. She is so beautiful with a smile that makes me melt. She has the most incredible spirit- loving and gentle, generous and kind, genuinely joyful. And her energy!! Oh how her energy knows NO bounds! God has truly developed the most amazing person within my daughter. I cannot believe how blessed I am. She makes my heart so very happy!
She's growing up to be a little girl; she isn't a baby anymore. I've already noticed the process of having to let her go little by little. I hate it. Hate everything about it. But, God has been more than generous in allowing me to parent her even for this short time. I am constantly reminded that she is His, not mine. He has simply entrusted me with nurturing her to be the woman that He created her to be, and I have committed myself to doing that to the best of my ability. I trust that He will correct the mistakes I'll make- I have to...
I still sing her the song that I made up one night when she was only a few weeks old. She was crying hysterically and I couldn't make it stop, so I just started singing anything that came to my mind. She seemed to like it, so I kept singing it. It's totally ridiculous and goofy, but she likes it.

Evangeline, my beauty queen
Evangeline, you're the cutest I've seen
Evangeline, so long and lean
You're my Evangeline
Evangeline, so squeaky clean
Evangeline, you're a dream
Evangeline, quite a scene
You're my Evangeline

If you ask Eva what she wants for her birthday this year, she will happily proclaim she wants, "A BIG ONE cake". What can I say? She loves cake! She doesn't take after me at all :)
I'll bake her one today and the BIG ONE CAKE will arrive at her party this Sunday.

Eva on her Birth Day

Eva on her 1st Birthday

Eva today, on her 2nd Birthday

We love you, Evangeline! Happy Birthday!!