Sunday, May 2, 2010

Acknowledging those without...

The last 3 weekends in a row Mike and I have traveled to Paoli Hospital to welcome new little ones into the world. We sat with each and soaked in their perfect little ears and toes and noses. We ooed and ahhed at their angelic whimpers and gurgles. We were reminded of the days of Evangeline and Samuel's births- by far the most incredible days of our lives- no days hold a candle to them.
Welcome to the world:
Nolan Gregory to Greg and Carla Lusby
Liam Joseph to Kevin and Dawn Aikens
Nora Faith to Bryan and Sara Wise
We are so happy for you guys!
The joy of new life is indescribable, and each set of the parents we visited reveled in this joy- their giddiness was oozing out of their every pore.  As we left each of these growing families, praying for their adjustment to life with a new baby, there was a lingering feeling that I didn't want to pay attention to, but it just wouldn't leave me. Despite my happiness, I couldn't shake a feeling of desperation. Sounds funny, but I felt such pain and empathy for those who desire to have this same day (the day their child is born), but for one reason or another, thus far, it hasn't come. I truly believe that outside of the death of one dear to us, their is no greater pain than a Godly longing that is unfulfilled. A longing for a spouse, or for a child to be born, a child to be healed, or for a loving parent...
On Friday I sat in a room FULL of babies and despite how much I loved looking at each of them and delighted in their presence, I could think of little besides those WITHOUT babies who want them so desperately. And it made me feel desperate. Desperate to help, desperate to have words that would bring healing, desperate to somehow make sense of it. It's not just my own experience with infertility that makes me simply unable (for now) to feel just the joy and leave the desperation behind. Yes, there was a time when I thought the pain of longing for a child, getting close, and then losing them would probably kill me. But, God has brought forth great healing through the births of Evangeline and Samuel and the grief for the babies I have lost does not leave me in a heap on the floor any longer.
There are so many people in my midst with Godly longings that are currently unfulfilled and when I am with them, their pain is palpable. Some desire a husband or wife, some desire children, some desire sick children to be well, some desire a loving parent. I generally say the same thing to all of them because I know that it was true for me, and firmly believe that it WILL be true for them. That is, "someday this will all make sense. Someday, you'll look into the eyes of your spouse and think, 'had God NOT made me wait, or taken me through this or that, I wouldn't have you, and I know now that YOU are the one God had for me'. Someday, you'll look at your sleeping baby and think, 'without the previous struggle or loss, I wouldn't have YOU. It makes sense now, because YOU are the child God had for me'. Maybe it won't happen until you get to heaven and see Christ face to face, but it WILL happen." It's simple. It's true. God's faithfulness is enduring, and will carry us through every conceivable pain and heartache. But, it's the enduring that's hard because the process is so often slow.
Jill and Neil (my sister and brother in law) have been waiting for years to add a child to their family. Waiting, and waiting, and waiting. During this time, they have seen AT LEAST 50 babies come into the world to their families and friends.  Talk about desperation...  I know, though, that when God finally turns the heart of a birthmother towards them and they are chosen as adoptive parents, they will undoubtedly understand the wait as they look at that baby. They will know beyond a shadow of a doubt that God had THAT baby for them. No other baby would do.
I write this entry today not to make anyone feel bad or guilty or to take away any joy from those getting married or having babies. Revel in the joy of it!! If this post brings more awareness and a sensitivity in spirit, Praise the Lord. But truly, I write this today for those who aren't getting married or having babies. You are not alone; you are not crazy; YOU ARE NOT FORGOTTEN. A longing unfulfilled brings unmeasurable pain. But wait!!!  John 16:33 "I have told you these things, so that in me you may have peace. In this world you will have trouble. But take heart! I have overcome the world." Yes, the God who overcame the world Has a sovereign plan and JOY WILL COME! Hold on. Wait and see.

2 comments:

Sarah said...

Love you Lauren. You are so compassionate and kind. What a great woman you are!

the weldons said...

this is beautiful and painful and said with so much love! thank you for sharing! brought tears to my eyes!

Welcome!

We're the Wells family. We currently consist of Michael (husband and daddy), Lauren (wife and mama), Evangeline (daughter and princess), and Samuel (son and prince). We live a pretty simple life loving the many blessings that God grants us each and every day.
Mike is a genius carpenter/contractor and works throughout neighboring counties. Lauren stays at home with Eva and Sam most of the time, but works a few days a week as a therapist.
More than anything else, we love being together as a family- trips to the gardens, swimming at Grammie and Papa's house, and bike rides & walks are probably our most frequent activities. We're surrounded by our family (siblings and parents); they all live within 30 minutes of us!
That's us in a nut shell.
We're thankful you dropped by our site!